THIS IS WHY I HAVE GRAY HAIR.....

I was sittin’ in the living room the other night, watchin’ tv and mindin’ my own bidness. Butch, the cat, was lying on the floor in his usual after-supper stupor. Butch suddenly roused and made a bee-line for the kitchen. At about the same time, I heard an odd noise in there. Now, Butch is our only pet other than the occasional spider and I’m pretty sure I would have noticed if we had a spider big enough to make THAT kinda noise. So, being the adventurous soul that I am, I got up to investigate. I went to the kitchen and turned the light on. Something was flying around in there. Ah, a bird…..over the years we’ve had a bird get in the house occasionally. They manage to get into the fireplace chimney and find their way into the house. I watched it circle the ceiling for a few seconds and realized that it wasn’t exactly flying like a bird. It was flying more like a…..hmmm…..OMG.....IT WAS A BAT!!! Ok, the hell with the adventurous soul persona. I kicked it into hysterical housewife mode. For those of you who aren’t married, hysterical housewife mode consists of tearing through the house and bumping into every piece of furniture and doorframe on the way to where you’re going. I was headed for hubby. He was watching tv in another room, totally oblivious to the fact that we’d been invaded. “THERE’S A BAT IN THE KITCHEN!!!,” I announced, as calmly as I could. He got up and followed me in there and confirmed my discovery. By this time, it had worn itself out and landed on top of one of the ceiling fan blades. He said we should close all the doors we could to try to keep it from getting any farther into the house and that I should get him a towel. He opened the front door and I handed him his weapon of choice. I also had gotten a towel on the pretext that I would keep it from getting through the doorway into the hall. What he didn’t know was that I had other plans. I was gonna duck and cover if that thing even looked like it was THINKING about heading my way. I took up my position and he headed to the kitchen. It was over before I could even work up a good nervous sweat. He came walking calmly through the living room with it in the towel and pitched it out the front door into the yard. He had swatted it with the towel and thought he had maybe knocked it out. Perhaps even killed it. (I could only hope.) I checked later and it wasn’t there. I now live in fear that the little bugger will be back with reinforcements to take revenge. I think I might need to get all my turtleneck sweaters back out. I think I might even sleep in one.